Comment Wall

Picture taken by me of a beautiful path in Mexico
My Storybook Site: https://sites.google.com/view/sarvodayatheblue/home

Comments

  1. Hey Blue!

    The first thing I noticed is that the link to the comment wall on your website doesn't work--I would look into that, and maybe see if you can make it hyperlink rather than just a URL to copy and paste.

    I love the feel of your Intro! It's very dark and mysterious, and makes me intrigued to learn more about this goddess who is fire. I think adding a little more context, maybe through an Author's Note, would help to place what the Intro wants to convey more. For example, I wasn't sure if you were describing her birth in fire, if she's currently existing as part of fire, if she's reminiscing about when she was born in fire, that sort of thing. I also really like the first person, and how you establish exactly where Draupadi wants to take us in a way that doesn't reveal too many details, and how you address the Reader directly. I'd love if the post was a little longer, just so we could get more of a feel for who Draupadi is and where she's coming from, but overall great start!

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  2. Hello,
    I want to start off by saying I like the way your website looks. I would suggest however changing the header of the trees for something more firey for the intro. I think that something with fire would be appropriate for something titled I Am the Fire. I have to say that the way the introduction reads is compelling!! I love the choice of wording and how it flows together. I read about half the introduction while wondering who ever this story could be about. When I came upon the name Draupadi I felt dumb for not knowing. When I read the last paragraph, I wondered why you put these titles to her. I feel as though in the following stories we shall find out and be blown away. Reading your introduction makes me curious and hopeful for what stories you could write about Draupadi! I shall be reading your future stories, keep up the good work!

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  3. Hi Blue! Firstly let me comment on the way your home page looks. The picture of the path in Puebla is very beautiful and is really reflective of the name that you have given your storybook "The Winding Course". The home page is very mysterious and as a reader I was not completely sure what your storybook was going to be about. This made me very curious and ready to get to the introduction. I love the picture of fire that you have in the banner of the introduction page. The writing on the introduction page really pulls you in and makes you want to know more about this goddess of fire and how her story goes. I really like the little part at the end that gives you more insight into who this goddess is and what she can do. I'm looking forward to reading your first story!

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  4. Hi Blue, the introduction where you start with the slow starting and then lead up to a mystery is very intriguing. I also like the way you have designed your page as it adds to the whole depiction of how the story should be set. The dialogue really helped make the reader more involved and allowed the audience to be a part of the story starting from the introduction itself. One thing I would comment on to make better or something that would be easier to understand would be to add a little bit more dialogue to make the audience be involved in the story and to play a role in the story. This would help the audience interact with what is going on and follow along easier. Otherwise, very good job!

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  5. Hey Blue! I think you have a really promising start to your introduction. The voice and style you use are really distinctive, and you give your storybook a really cool vibe with the old-style language. Also, I think your use of specific language here is really good, since you use words which give the reader a really specific image in their mind. Also, I think that your mention of the "Reader" in your storybook is really cool! I love metafictional elements (which you could tell from my portfolio stories) and the inclusion of the Reader as a conscious actor in the intro as someone who might become a part of your overall story as an outside bystander (or an active participant!). I'm really looking forward to how your storybook turns out! I think that you have a lot of good material to work with -- the idea of the Dark Princess is cool -- and I think your writing style will make the storybook really fascinating to read.

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  6. Hey Blue! I have never visited your profile before so I am glad I got to read your stories this week! I love getting to go through everyone's story book projects because I chose to do a portfolio so it is cool to see how the two compare. I first want to mention how I really like the set up of your project. It was easy to navigate and was also neat and each page matched the story you were writing. When I read your introduction I really loved it. It was mysterious and left me wanting to read more which is really great! I like that for your intro you used a picture of fire because it gave the story more of a visualization. Your descriptions and details were spot on and made me feel like I could picture and feel what you were writing about. The idea of talking about a Dark Princess is really fascinating to me and I thought it was a unique concept. Cant wait to read more!

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  7. Blue,

    When I read your introduction I was excited to start reading the rest of your stories! You clearly have a very poetic nature in which you write and interpret the indian epics. I thought your introduction was mysterious and pulled me in to want to read more. I was not disappointed when I went on to read the first story you added. The use of descriptions to bring you into the setting of the story taking place was excellent. The Winding Course is a great name for your storybook because I can tell you will be taking the reader on a journey of emotions when they read what you have written. Can't wait to read more in the future!

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  8. Hey Blue! I love that you're using the theme of the fire to tie all your stories together. I think it's a really cool theme and I'm excited to see what other stories you write to go with it. I also really liked your introduction. It was really well written and really got me excited to see what you're planning on doing with your stories. I also like how you pulled people into the story and then explained what the rest of the storybook would look like. I also really like your writing overall. It makes for a really great story. One suggestion I might make is maybe figuring out if you can add some dialogue or if it's possible to break up your story a little bit more. It'll make it easier for the reader to go through. I do really like your website though and I can't wait to see what else you'll be adding to it.

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  9. Hi Blue, I really enjoyed the style and message of your storybook! You're right; Draupadi is such an interesting and unique character that doesn't get enough attention in the Mahabharata! Being married to five princes is a huge load to bear, both physical and mental as she deals with the implications growing up! You conveyed this amazingly! I also liked that you chose her wedding night to share her inner thoughts with the reader, as it is such a tender and life changing moment for her. You show how her idea of her fate and future are the key component of keeping her sanity throughout her life. There were a few things that I felt interrupted the flow of your story, namely this sentence, "Each the sleeping place for each prince to have his turn with me." I see what you're wanting to convey to the reader, but I feel that it could be reworded to more effectively accomplish this goal. Overall, though, I loved the story!

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  10. Hi again Blue, as stated before, I love your profile and love the simplicity of your website and the layout. Your introduction was so great that I had to come back to take a look at your next story. I like how you used something that was told or read to you in the past regarding the theme of fire to link all your stories together. This stands out to me as most stories and profiles that I have looked at have different stories on there and no common theme or no common thing that links all of their posts together and yours does that which is so interesting and fascinating. It makes the audience have a presumed thought of what is going to happen but we all get blown away by a twist in the story as it is completely different than what we have come up with in our heads. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see what else you come up with in the future stories!

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  11. Hey Blue! I read your storybook this week and focused on images as Professor Gibbs recommended. I really enjoyed that you used pictures both in the header and the stories. I think it helps your page keep a good amount of imagery without distracting readers from the stories. My only recommendation would be to maybe add some imagery to the home page. By adding imagery to the homepage, readers would immediately be greeted by pictures and possibly grow more interested in your storybook. The images could even be from your stories.

    I really enjoyed the content of your story! I had not thought of what Draupadi must feel like and what her story is. I thought you wrote with really descriptive wording, and I really enjoyed your story. I also found it very interesting that your story was tied into fire and that each of your following stories sound like they will be as well. You have a great project going so far, and I can't wait to read more stories!

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  12. Hi, Blue! I love how dramatic and inspiring your introduction is! That is such a great idea to base your storybook off of being born out of the fire. I love that you have Draupadi ponder her twin brother’s thoughts. I can only imagine how much her twin meant to her. The descriptors that you used to describe Dhrishtadyuma’s rage were delightful! I found it interesting that in your version of the story, Draupadi knew her fate of marrying five men, whereas in the original version of the story, I get the idea that was not aware of her fate. I thought it was very interesting that you discussed her wedding night. This was a detail that I hadn’t really considered, but I can only imagine what a huge deal this was to Draupadi! Overall, I thought you did a really great job of encompassing the strong and inspiring woman that Draupadi is!

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  13. Hello Blue,
    OK, the into is intense and I loved every moment of it. I don't know what it is about your writing but I love it so much. I felt like I was in the story myself. You have a very compelling way of writing that really sucks the reader into the story. The writing is so descriptive that I felt like I was the protagonist. I honestly think you should keep this up after the class is over. Even if it is just for fun. I know people would flock to your stories. I really like how you went in-depth on her feelings on being married to five men which one man is a hassle and for not to have a choice and feeling outcast by the husbands was a refreshing retelling. I cannot wait for the next installment of this epic. I will be looking for your project in the future.

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  15. Hey Blue! Such a unique name, I don't think I've ever been to your blog before. I first want to say that I read the Intro and both stories and I really enjoyed them. They were incredibly intense, I found new compassion for Draupadi's fate. How DID she manage 5 husbands? I could never do it. I agree with Justdacia, you should keep these stories going after the class finishes up, even if you write about something totally different. You're a good storyteller. These stories were so descriptive, so gripping my eyes were GLUED to the screen. Particularly the Betrayal story when that visitor decides he wants to have his way with Draupadi. Poor girl, I'm glad she was able to escape. I couldn't stop reading until I got to the end. The pictures are also really nice, I think they mesh well with the stories you're telling. I also loved the first-person narrative, you could see her thoughts and like it's been stated previously by others, I felt like I was the protagonist! Fantastic job, keep up the hard work!

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  16. Blue,

    Last time I commented you had only one story in your storybook. I love how you have continued and "The Betrayal" is an amazing story. You clearly are a skilled writer when it comes to evoking emotion in your story while also telling the story. The details of the story made it very enjoyable to read. I don't think your paragraphs need breaking up or changing at all, I thought it was very easily interpreted and enjoyable to read. I also think your title of the storybook is very engaging! Overall I love how you tell the story in the first person from the perspective of the dark princess. You take the reader on a journey and think your storybook flows very well.

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  17. Hey there Blue, I am a student from the other class, and I just had the opportunity to take a look at your project for this semester. As someone who has taken the class that your are in now before, I always look forward to seeing how people decide to take this project and make it into their own. I was immediately intrigued with the title of your project, and upon taking a look at the color schemes/ the images you decided to use I was even more excited to read on. Your introduction really reels you in, as it is so intense and just fills you with excitement and emotion. The intensity luckily continued throughout your stories, and your stories are honestly some of the best I have read in both classes! You were able to give her such a strong and powerful role as a main character, and honestly she is such a B.A. when it comes to dealing with five husbands.

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  18. Hey Blue,

    I want to start off by saying how unique your introduction was. So far, I have read introductions to storybooks in which the author himself/herself prefaces the theme of the stories; thus, it is essentially like an extended author's note. Moreover, reading the introduction from Krishnaa's really put things into perspective. One thing I may suggest is reviewing the images you used for your banners. Per example, the banner image of the woods is a beautiful piece, however, I do not think it ties all the theme of your storybook. Moreover, for the banner image of the story "The Betrayal" is cut off; thus, the reader is unable to view the image in its entirety. Especially since you did not incorporate other images in the last story, I would suggest maybe adding another image or reviewing the sizing of your banner image. Overall, good job on your storybook! I look forward to seeing the finalized project.

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  19. Hi Blue!
    Your introduction does a great job of establishing the perspective of your stories and gives me a good reminder of Draupadi’s background. I like how you put more space between the flashback and the current writing to make it easier to follow the transition.
    The details in your first story are incredible and added so much to the original story. The formatting of your paragraphs does a good job of separating her different thoughts. I like the combination of one space between similar paragraphs and more spaces when the scene is changing. I really sympathized with Draupadi, an often-overlooked perspective in the Mahabharata. This story also did a great job of preserving details from the original story and elaborating on them. Your author’s note for this story is informative and I think it is appropriate to have it all in one paragraph because it is all about the same character.
    The spacing of paragraphs in your Betrayal story is done well. It is easy to follow and helps with natural pauses. I also like that the paragraphs vary in length. I also like that your author’s note is split into two paragraphs when talking about different characters. I love Draupadi’s character and I love that your story book allows us to connect to her more!

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  20. Hi Blue. What a cool idea for a storybook! Really getting into the head of Draupadi is fascinating idea. The Author's Note on the home page is a nice touch. The opening of "I Am the Fire" is really intense and immersive. I love the line "Reader, but wisdom and clarity come at a cost..." So ominous!!! "Yωνία Gonia of Cassiopeia" is just as vivid as the introduction. I especially love the line "I often dreamt of his sorrow-filled, sandalwood irises dilating wide with immeasurable rage." The rest of this story is just as brutal and visceral. The opening paragraph of "The Betrayal" is another punch in the gut. " I did not believe in love. [...] I was a fool to believe that they would remain faithful to only me." So brutal! In fact, brutal is probably the best way to describe this story. This is so incredibly well done! I am very, very impressed!!!

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