Week 7 Story
A Handmaiden's Horror
The metallic crash of dishes hits the floor, the carefully adorned delicacies proven to now be mere formalities to the authentic intentions of my evening. The smell of sandalwood is everywhere and the world is moving so quickly that it is quite difficult to grasp what it is that has happened. My heart races. My body cold, chest heaving for breath. I stand backed against large, wooden double doors; the locked and final barrier that prevents me from escaping to freedom and away from my perpetrator. I am afraid, my hands behind my back cannot find the lock or knob.
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| Kichaka and Draupadi https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Raja_Ravi_Varma ,_Keechaka_and_Sairandhri,_1890.jpg |
The lust of Kichaka rages in his un-seeing eyes. He is angry. Everything he has ever wanted, his every desire and whim granted. All but her. Who is this lowly slave girl to think that her virtue should be spared? The monstrous form of this man-beast looms over her. His large, muscled arms extended as each of his palms holds fast against the door and surrounding her frame. He looks down to her shaking frame and is unable to move. His breath catches, for even in fear this fair maiden is clothed in a light that burns his insides. How is she so beautiful, even now? The remnants of his illusioned dinner, the reason for her arrival, lay strewn across the floor of his bedroom. He sees sweat and a solitary splatter of soup collected at her bosom, glistening as she is gasping for breathe.
The terror dissolves as quickly as its arrival came unannounced to me; at last I solve the click-lever lock that is behind me, the cold metal gives freely. Something has frozen this monster in place, be it divine favorer something else... Gravity is heavy as we both tumble to the ground outside of his chamber. Somehow, someway, I am free. Running with all of my terror sunk into my feet, I push past every threshold that held me closer to my captive.
Bibliography: Kichaka and Bhima- Mahabharata
http://ouocblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/pde-mahabharata-bhima-and-kichaka.html
Hey Blue, I enjoyed reading your story because of the image you illustrated with all of the adjectives you used. The first paragraph was my favorite part of your story because it was very descriptive and had my heart racing. It kept me wanting to read more! One suggestion is adding in the author's note at the end of your story to let your readers know what you are writing about.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing Blue. I felt everything the character was experiencing and was sucked in at every moment of the story. I really like how you use the setting in the story and made the place a genuine part of the story. I also like how you used your writing to emphasize thought with the italics I think it gave a deeper feeling to your writing. Overall I really enjoyed the reading and it would love to read more of your work.
ReplyDeleteHi Blue!
ReplyDeleteI think your first paragraph is great. The details you use really set the tone for the story and you can almost put yourself in the shoes of the character. I especially liked the part of the smell of sandalwood. That is a very distinct smell and easy to recall when it’s brought up. You continue to use a lot of details in the story so you can feel how she felt in that situation. I also thought it was interesting to tell the story form her perspective like this. I can imagine that she was pretty scared. However, the original story doesn’t portray it this way. Great job! I really enjoyed this.
Hey Blue! You've done a really incredible job with this story. You can tell how much detail you've put into it. The opening paragraph really sets the scene up nicely and makes it all come together. I also really like the picture that you've chosen to include. One suggestion I would have is to add an Author's Note so that the reader can see your thinking and the changes you made from the original story.
ReplyDeleteHi Blue! We meet again. I thought that this story was a good way to portray events with vivid imagery and descriptive sentences as it really allowed me to picture what was happening throughout the story. It was very well illustrated and put together. It made me want to keep reading and not stop to even blink, so very good job on that. It allowed us as the audience to be a part of the story and imagine ourselves as the character rather than just us in third point of view reading the story by ourselves. Although everything was on point, one suggestion that I would make would definitely be adding an author's note so that you are able to explain to the people who may be lost while reading this that this is about so and so and they are able to know what story you are using as reference and what is not.
ReplyDelete